Today, I found myself doom scrolling through Netflix, searching endless pages of movies on Max, and scanning an endless array of Criterion gems ready to let the movie gods take me, when my daughter came downstairs, picked up the remote, and at RANDOM selected As Tears Go By from the Criterion Collection.

“Watch this one, dad.” Then, she picked up the puppy and left without a trace, leaving me to watch the movie, alone. Amused, and somewhat relieved that the choice had been decided for me, I just let it ride out. And, I’m glad that I did, because As Tears Go By turned out to be the kind of film that I love; gritty, urban, VIOLENT, flawed but enrapturing, and most of all, cinematic.

A LITTLE BACKSTORY

The directorial debut of Hong Kong filmmaker Wong Kar-Wai, As Tears Go By is beautifully shot, violent in all the right places, and not overly choreographed. It’s authentic cinema, exploring themes of loyalty, misplaced honor, melancholy love, and the doom of fragile egos unchecked. Wong, patient and measured, often lets the frame linger, holding us in the grasp of his palm, soothing us in one moment, ravaging us with the next.

What my daughter didn’t know, had NO WAY of knowing, and is STILL eerily unsettling to me, was just how much I’d been struggling to convey similar themes in my own story and how almost beat for beat, As Tears Go By was the exact movie I needed to watch to know what I should do in mine. Often, I wonder — “Is someone watching me?” And, it’s moments like these that make me think someone is looking out for me — and they like kick-ass movies.

This Movie made me remember…

Cinema is raw, it’s real, and while meticulously crafted, exudes an element of genuine spontaneity, authentic and tactile. There is weight to the frame, texture to the light, a visceral awe at experiencing something akin to magic or illusion. It’s the kind of feeling you get from holding a book, a real book, a physical book in your hands, and not a digital reader. I often feel that in our endless quest for the best resolution, or the highest frames per second, we betray a fundamental and cinematic truth; imperfection is beauty.

As Tears Go By reminded me that we don’t need 4k, 8k, or 12k film cameras to make a pretty movie. While technology is great and amazing and wonderful, lately its had the opposite effect on too many films, ballooning their budgets, making them seem more plastic than real, and giving them a shiny wrapper on the outside but not much substance on the inside.

There’s a gritty urban realism to As Tears Go By, aided by authentic renderings of Hong Kong’s concrete mecca with its cramped market spaces and carbon scorched alley-ways that made me feel like I was actually there and experiencing a foreign land for the first time. Coupled with what felt like naturally lit scene-work, stunning night photography, and a stylized cinematic flair that heightened the limited nature of the fight choreography, As Tears Go By was raw and brilliantly unfiltered.

Just the kind of cinema I like.

LESSONS FOR A STORYTELLER IN LIMBO

I’ve been writing, working on another draft of my feature film project, anguishing over one line, going over and over and over it again, trying to find the right word, the right sentence to convey the exact meaning I wish to communicate to my readers and ultimately my audience. The themes I’m exploring closely mirror those from As Tears Go By, and although I’m writing from the Black perspective what strikes me is the power and universal language of cinema to convey real issues, unique perspectives, and unfiltered truths. But, lately I’ve just wanted to put the project to the side and focus on something else — a victim of perfectionism, perhaps.

When As Tears Go By was finished I almost felt like crying, so much of what I wanted to do I had just seen flash before my eyes. The film had shown me the way, given me the blueprint, and most of all it showed me that imperfection is cool. Maybe I’ve been too focused on finding the exact word, the right sentence, the perfect, seamless transition. Maybe I should just focus on getting the story done and then, when it is done, celebrate it for all of its imperfect glory.

After the movie I went upstairs and cracked open the door to my daughters bedroom. She was reading a book with the puppy on the bed. “Why did you pick that movie,” I asked her.

“I don’t know. I just picked it.” Unknowingly, she went back to reading her book, unaware of the thoughts, dreams, and visions she had just inspired within me. Yeah, someone is definitely looking out for me, and they have good taste in kick-ass movies.

I can’t wait to see what they pick next.